faye. all the single ladies. (anglais)

Being in a bar was nothing new for you (after all you were young once), but being there for a special singles night was something else. Maybe it was because you were deeply bored or because you had a really nice talk with you parents about how they wished for grandkids. To be specific, it was a really annoying conversation, but it was to be expected since - to quote them - "you weren’t getting any younger". Anyhow, the reason behind your presence at this bar wasn’t that important because you were now in the mood to have fun. The night was young and you were in great company. Not being alone in those kind of special night was a good thing, especially since the one with you was none other than Faye, a very good friend of yours. « I think that if a random guy winks at me again, I’ll tear him in half. » There was no doubt about the fact that you were not the best person to bring at those kind of events at bars pour whatever. However, you were still hoping for a good night and were prepare to do anything to have fun. « I think more beers are in order. » Alcool was always a good way to lighten anyone’s mood and you were no exception to this rule. On a roll, you took Faye’s hand to go closer to the bar ordering drinks for the both of you. Waiting for the barman to brin you your beer, you turned around to look for an interesting fellow or two - if such a thing was even possible at the moment. You seemed to be out of luck because instead of that your eyes found a couple - or something like that - who seemed very busy talking about something that was in all likelihood very idiotic. « What do you think they’re talking about ? » You were curious to know what Faye would be thinking when seeing them. Let’s just say her company was a sight for sore eyes (or at light a solace for your patience).

Your idea to tear the next guy who winks at you didn’t seem to please Faye who said to not get her mixed up in your brilliant idea. « And here I thought that you would want to be sent in jail with me. » You laughed it off to show that you were nowhere near serious. Being a cop in jail was terrible and could often result in death. Criminals tended to have serious issues with cops and the fact that you were hurt would not even matter. Staying away from jail was obviously the best thing you could do for Faye and yourself. « Anyways don’t worry I’m in no shape to tear anyone in half. » You were still joking about that even if a part of you wanted to ask more questions about the time your friend was arrested. Maybe another time a single’s night at a bar hardly seemed like the best place for those questions. « We can do that if you want half the bar to be staring at us. » She was spot on when she talked about people being desperate and you didn’t feel like becoming one of them. Neither meeting an interesting fellow nor hooking up was in your priorities and you could bet that it was the same for Faye. « But I think that we’re good with beers. » You had no problem with getting drunk but the night was still very young and starting soft seemed like a better idea. After ordering the drinks, you shifted your attention to a couple and laughed as your friend answered the question you asked. Talking with your deepest voice, you decided to play the part of ‘Brad’ : « Oh. That’s good honey, you know how i like my blonds. » You supposed that he was some kind of jerk who could be hung up on hair colour and in any case he looked like an idiot. Fortunately your beers came and you paid for both before taking them to leave the bar. « Cheers. » After what you took a sip of your beer. The night was young but you didn’t see anyone worth talking to except you friend.

Faye’s answer to your jesting about going in jail together was quick and made you laugh. You didn’t expect to be imprisoned anytime soon, but she did made a point about the fact that going alone wouldn’t be such a horrible thing if it meant that she could bail you out. « Now that you mention it, having drugs in jail seems like a wonderful idea. » Once again, you decided to joke about the idea unable to stay serious in any capacity. Even though you knew that drugs could be use as a currency in jail, you preferred to stay out of it. And since there was no chance that you could tear someone in half tonight, it was better that way. « Oh don’t worry, there’s nothing else but my shoulder. » Which was more than enough for you. It was injured, it was hurting like hell and you couldn’t do anything about it. « Well that and the fact that my parents decided to let me know they wish for a grandkid someday. » It was not a problem with your body and it didn’t hurt at all, but it was annoying and you felt like Faye could understand how you felt about it. It could also explained to her your sudden motivation for going to a single’s night. At least you weren’t desperate enough to go with her suggestion to do body shots. Beers were a better idea and you both agreed on that. While waiting for you drinks, you distracted yourselves by taking a couple as the victim of your jokes. « That what I love the most about you. » You had no idea of how the couple was in fact, but you didn’t really care for it. Beer in hand, you drank a bit after cheering before speaking again : « Is it just me or all the guys here seems like desperate idiots ? » You were a bit harsh, but there hardly was any good candidate for anything, be it for a relationship or a one-night stand. Clearly, you were not impressed.

Talking about drugs in jail wasn’t exactly what you had in mind for a single’s night with Faye but it was funny so you had no problem with going with the flow there. Of course, you knew very well the consequences of drugs in prison but you didn’t care, not this evening at least. You were more than okay to laughed about what she was saying without thinking about it. « Yeah that makes sense. I should do that. » Or not. The smile on your face was a big enough hint to know that there was not an ounce of seriousness in what you were saying, though you were pretty sure that Faye knew that already. Talking about your shoulder was less funny that joking about jail but you were comfortable enough to do it. « Yeah a bit, but it still hurts like hell and I can’t do anything. » Being hurt showed you how much you needed your arm and it did not help with your mood. Your parents didn’t help either which seemed to be also the case for your friend’s mom. You could understand each other, that was obvious. « Who can blame her, you’re not getting any younger. » Since you quoted your parents almost word for word, you could only be joking and you showed it by laughing once more. After all that, you had to comment about the market of guys which seemed only desperate or idiots. Of course, Faye took the opportunity to get back at you. Pushing her a little to show her you (fake) outrage you answered quickly : « At least they are looking at me you know. » You were sure that they were looking at her too, but she opened the door for such a comment. « But you know what it makes me glad that I’m single. » You weren’t dating one of those idiots, that was a good thing for sure.

If anything, jokingly talk with Faye about your future as a drug dealer reminded you how much fun you could have if you let it go. Of course, you would both seem very deranged if anyone listened to your conversation but that didn’t matter at all. You were too busy thinking about what was left for you to be able to live your life as the greatest drug dealer in jail. « Yeah I think that killing one guy will be enough and choosing a guy can’t be that hard. » The fact that they all seemed so stupid could only help you choose and so was the fact that you did not really planned to kill anyone. You clearly couldn’t anyways since your shoulder was out of commission and if you had to be honest you would say that the fact that you couldn’t kill someone even if you wanted to was also bothering you. Being powerless was one of your biggest fears and that was the only thing you could do for a long while. « Tell me about it. » Being useless was terrible, but at least it did not prevent you of having fun with Faye. Your idea of fun wasn’t exactly talking about your mothers’ desire to have grandchildren but messing with you friend was fun enough. She returned the favour well enough and you couldn’t help to laugh a bit. « Hey, I’m not that old ! » You were only one year older and did not feel like being called grandma - though you did deserve it. « But you do know, you have to listen to your elders. » Playing both sides of this wasn’t the best idea but it was to good to resist and it was a nice distraction from the poor choices of candidates for a date. Although you were okay with the fact that you were single because of that, you understood Faye’s point. « I feel you. » But to do it, you had to find a decent guy. « You know what ? Let’s pick the two guys who seemed the least annoying and talk to them. » It was probably a terrible idea but you had to try after all it was a singles’ night.